it snowed... .and it didn't go away

My shoes are wet.... soaked wet.... because last night while it stormed like mad and knocked my power out, more than once, it got cold enough to turn the rain to snow. So I got up and dinked around today.... around noon, maybe closer to one.... i look walked by my window.... it was a little colder than usual.... hmmm.... it kinda feels like there is snow outside.... lo and behold I look out and its an ugly white.... it stayed too.... its still an ugly white as i post at 1 am..... I'm annoyed at this.... because last year, after it snowed, it stayed until may.... MAY! I AM GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH SNOW FOR 7.... THATS SEVEN.... MONTHS! ok well its probably more along the lines of 6 as the snow melted in EARLY may.... but still.... thats just not fair.... after it rains for a week straight, we get one afternoon of sunshine and it snows that night! wow.... and all weatherbug ever says is non-precipitation advisory.... weatherbug is poo..... anyways.... getting along to the reason for this posting...... I'm feeling like crap.... my self-esteem is about as low as it can get right now..... I'm feeling like such a failure, like the ugliest person on the planet, like no one will ever like me..... I know part of this is due to the person that I'm comparing too...... I know I'm a better person than her, but there is some stuff that I don't understand that makes me feel horrible..... and the jerk that i'm madly in love with isn't helping either.... in fact.... the female that i'm comparing with is the reason the one i'm madly in love with is a jerk..... I fell in love with one person, and he has completely changed..... Everyone always tells me don't let people change who you are..... him mostly..... but i hate how hypocritical people are.... I know i do it too.... but..... you were fine after 6 years of her, plus on and off 2 years..... and one more changed you? Thats not right.... so here i sit...... feeling like less than adequate..... and I'm not the one who has abandoned their family, sold themselves for money..... Not the person who has two separate lives to lead..... I know a lot of people reading this will be confused, but thats a good place for you to be..... the only person I want to talk to about this right now is my sister..... so.... sister, call me whenever you have some time to talk....

oh hell.....

I've got the musical on my brain.... all day everyday.... I feel like I should be in working on costumes right now.... in fact I feel GUILTY!.... Then I'm looking around on the internet, and a commercial for something Elmo comes onto the TV and the theme song is CAMELOT! .... obviously with different words.... but still .... i have no idea if it actually was.... but it sure sounded like it..... and now i'm watching "A Knight's Tale".... and i've realized that that the lead in our play (Arthur) kinda has Heath Ledger eyes.... hes actually really cute.... complete with braces (all together now, awwwww).... yeah.... I'm completely avoiding my nursing homework, which is bad.... but i'm super worried about the play.... the director keeps changing movements and nobody knows it! I learned on friday that they really didn't cut the scene with my speaking parts in it, needless to say I had no idea what was happening..... all of a sudden people are screaming "Lady Anne!"... so I run out and I'm like what? I have to speak? what? and one part that I play doesn't even have a costume made yet! the fabric isn't even in yet! We haven't practiced with any costumes on.... first performance is thursday morning .... with us needing to be there at 8 in the morning..... we haven't had a practice where everyone in the cast has been there..... to date..... I'm hoping everyone will be there today.... but who knows..... I've sang my solo (4 lines) more than the girl who got the part I originally wanted (an entire song of solo).... and its pissing me off royally! It should be mine.... but there was some shady business conducted and its hers.... so..... yeah.... if she is ill, I can fill in for her.... I know the words haha...... anyways.... I'm going to go goof off some more, send some emails.... and what not....

boring.....

so... I know I told you I would catch you all up on whats happening.... but.... Really there hasn't been anything!..... The play is taking up some large amounts of time. They have now added another character for me to be. None of them are big roles, but they add up to about 8 costume changes total..... Thats almost as much as the leads if not more haha! Officially, I am Lady Anne, chorus, Nimue chorus, and Morgan Le Fey's court. I'm still working on that nursing homework.... because its kicking my bum..... I got an 85% on a test I took last tuesday. thats the class that I originally got 63% in..... so, greatly improved. The next test is monday and tuesday..... Monday in intro to prof. nursing.... the one I got a 90% in.... and the second test is for calculating drug dosages.... I have to get 100% in it or I have to take it again.... and if I fail three times I am out of the program..... plus if I get 100% the first time, I get an extra credit point.... I been racking those up lately! to date, I've gotten 9.... in my fundamentals class, and 3 in my other one.... so pretty much rocking it! and I'm getting three more tomorrow and 4 more on saturday..... so I'm sitting pretty with my grades in nursing right now. Phlebotomy is also not a worry for me.... I'm doing well in it, and choirs are easy as pie...... so here I am.... bored again with good grades..... people keep saying that nursing is hard...... and prepared me for the worst... I guess I should be thankful that it is 10 times easier than I expected. I also got accepted into PTK, the honor society at my school.... best take advantage of it now, as I will be getting kicked out in the next couple of semesters due to bad nursing grades in the future. just preparing myself.... I was talking to a second year student.... Who doesn't have time for anything.... They get clinical assignments the evening before and have to do HOURS of work on them.... Why couldn't they do the majority of it before hand? like not having to stay up until 3 am and having to be at clinicals at 7 am.... that does not make for the best nursing student! O well.... bah.... I'm going to go work on those drug calculations now.....

awesome....

http://perezhilton.com/tv/index.php?ptvid=2b951320ddf71

"I'm still breathing"

I realize I complain when other people don't blog often..... I also realize that I haven't blogged in 2 weeks and 2 days....... (depending on when this blog actually gets finished, it may be 3 days). I'm going absolutely mad. I also realize I'm really high strung and over exaggerate everything. But its been actually really bad lately. I have been freaking out about my tests in nursing. I took one for Intro to Professional nursing on Monday Oct 5th..... and I finished in about ten minutes. I'm one of those people that needs to get done really quickly so I get into the zone and start at the last question working my way back. Its like counting down, which is better than counting up. I don't know, I'm aware that its odd, but it works. So.... I finish my test (its online) and then I move my mouse to the submit quiz button. I hover.... and can't do it.... after a 63% on my first nursing test ever in my fundamentals class, I was terrified. So, I read it all over again and didn't change a single answer. 15 minutes after just sitting there staring at the button, i finally push it. I scroll past my wrong answers and look at my score. I am completely speechless. WHAT?!?!??! HOW DID THAT HAPPEN? There absolutely had to be a mistake. I couldn't have scored that. It read 36/40 (90.00%). Plus we had a paper sheet with 4 bonus questions. I got three of those right. So.... really I got a 39/40 (97.5%). I almost died. WOW.... I was on cloud 359. And now I'm having a bit of trouble organizing the rest of my thoughts, so to keep up with my posting often, I will save the other days events for another post! Time to clean...... *grumble*