best served with:

can anyone recommend a wine for disappointment? how about a food to go with guilt (from not doing homework on a friday night none the less)?

oh my heck!

the words "We'll see how long that lasts" just came out of my brain.... i was talking about blogging with a friend of mine.... apparently i also completely set myself up for failure! how do i fix that too?

*sigh*

I know.... Motivation..... where do people find that? not just about the blogging.... I recently stumbled upon a friend's husband's weight loss blog and facebook page. How awesome! He is holding himself accountable to his friends.... I discovered that we have a lot of the same problems.... food is comfort... I've noticed a little weight gain this past semester but I excuse it because of school and work.... I'm good at excuses.... very believable they are.... So.... I'm holding myself accountable to you... So.... I don't want to pay for a gym membership right now because I expect to be moving in a couple months (hopefully after graduation.... FINALLY).... so I'm hoping to start by eating a little better.... I know there are a few websites out there that help with menu planning but my problem is I'm really picky! I ONLY like 2% or higher milk, I don't like pork (occaisionally some bacon), I don't eat that much beef and I feel like every menu on the planet involves pork or beef for every meal! I also am going to need something that offers a grocery list. Quick meals would be good too..... I'm almost to the point of having a diet of entirely raw vegetables lol.... I have a bit more free time this last semester.... apparently the last one was the toughest.... another reason to watch what I eat: I had TWO cavities at my check up with the dentist! TWO! My entire life's cavities more than doubled! :-).... I blame the soda and coffee that I lived on with those 0-2 hours of sleep nights.... Also when your on those websites where you put in what you ate that day and it calculates your calories/fat/protein/etc.... how do you put in something that you made that is a mixture of stuff? Like if I were to make my ratatouille recipe (amazing by the way) how would i go about putting that in? I dont really understand that... So let me know... I know most of you HAD to have done something like this at least once in your life. Which brings me to exercise.... I'm not about to bite off more than I can chew (I hope) so I'm going to start with the dieting.... I just want the exercise suggestions written down here somewhere.... I don't have a DVD player except my laptop so no DVD suggestions please.... I DO however have a VCR that I apparently think is portable as it gets transferred from bedroom to living room often. I also hate running with a passion. Moving on to personal issues of the mind.... I'm self conscious. Beyond a rational point. Everyone gets nervous going to the gym (holy cow look at that guys pipes or she wears a size zero pants which side note how can someone be a size zero?! thats like you dont exist but whatever) but i get panic attacks going to the grocery store.... and walmart.... and when i'm pumping gas... How do i get over THAT? i'm aware that its NUTS and irrational.... but i can't get beyond it. So... tips on that? last thing i think for the night.... If i don't see results NOW i lose interest.... so i guess it all comes back to motivation? so.... tips, tricks, and ideas.... thats your assignment.... :-D

playing catch up

soon always turns into later for me it seems. I went to my job interview and I think it turned out alright. Haven't heard a yes or no yet, but I called on tuesday and she had taken some extra time off for the 4th of july and wasn't done interviewing yet. She did say that it looked good for me! I went home monday night/tuesday morning (left just before midnight) and I started to wonder if I somehow managed to detour through a zoo. There was a fawn on the road about 3 minutes after I got off the interstate and I was PRAYING that the mother was in the ditch already. Managed to maneuver around and avoid the poor little baby. Then.... maybe ten miles north of Olivia, I manage to almost hit a BEAR! As in a giant black bear! At first I thought it was a dog, but then I looked closer and it walked funny.... not like a dog.... and it was HUGE.... and its face was funny.... not like a dog.... so I'm pretty sure it was a bear and not a dog..... really strange I know..... so then I get near the casino and almost hit a racoon.... and just past the casino I almost hit a..... PERSON! Mind you it is around 2 in the morning. Maybe they gambled a little too much. I don't know. Eventful drive home so this time I've decided to leave between 6 and 7 am instead. Hopefully I will run into less animals. I will post about Wednesday's activities and about my 4th of july later today or tomorrow. Gives you something to look forward to.... I hope....

Oh.... and Heidi.... NOW who doesn't post often? yeah... I'm winning..... so.... neener neener neeeeeeeeener!

Comments.....

hmm..... I got an email from Heidi about not being able to post comments.... So I get online and check it out.... I can post comments on my own.... maybe you need to follow me? scroll down a bit on the left side where it says followers.... try adding yourself to that..... let me know if that still doesn't work.... I'll change something again.....
Anyways.... in other news.... not much happening here.... I spent the past week at the cabin.... Swam, got sunburned (not too bad, hopefully it will turn to tan), hung out with my friend who I haven't seen in awhile, and gave the sims 3 a test run. Loved it!
I have a job interview on monday for a nursing home near me. Wish me luck! I'll post soon and let you know if I got it!

FISHIES!!!!!

I have added art and fish to my blog. Scroll ALL the way down to the absolute bottom! They follow your mouse! They also get fed when you click!

Sushi!

Ok.... so... back in MARCH.... March 22 to be exact, Heidi and I decided to get some sushi. I had just spent the week in Michigan for spring break and we were going to make it outselves, but we both got super lazy and just ordered it. Now, I usually like just a california roll (crab, cucumber, avacado in the rice and seaweed) and a salmon nigiri (raw salmon on a rice roll). Well I couldn't find a package that actually had those two in it so I decided to be adventurous and order something else! Well, the first picture is what I ended up with. Note the shrimp. heidi ate that. There were California rolls, the top two on the left were salmon nigiri, and the dark pink on the bottom left are tuna. The other stuff I have NO CLUE! Now, I asked myself, what are those red dots? Well.... by golly that was caviar! I was like.... umm..... I don't know if I want to eat this! scraping them off was an option..... However I decided I needed to be brave and experience something brand spankin new! So I take one and put it in my mouth, a little scared to eat it! So I took a picture of it on my tongue! The cool black and white with the red is courtesy of Picasa 3. So I eat that one little egg. And it didn't taste bad, but the "pop" felt weird. So I put a bunch in my mouth. Chew a little, lots of 'pops' felt, and sudden rush of salty nastiness filled my mouth! Revelation: I do not like caviar. Lesson learned. So all in all. It was pretty good sushi. I still have my two favorite types, and making your own is definitely cheaper, but its nice to order out sometimes, just so you don't have to make your own!

I'll try to post more again as I'm downloading pictures from March. I can't promise anything, but I'll sure try. Still redoing the blog background too. Be patient.

Blogs confuse me!

Still updating..... trying to be patient..... not working to well..... I give up for the day.......

and now something for the regulars

Sorry.... It's been a super long time. My life is boring in case you can't tell. The semester is officially over and most of you know its been a little rough to say the least. All in all I ended with 4 As and 2 Bs and a successful play. In one year of nursing we have lost 9/30 students. That is a lot in my opinion. Some dropped out and switched to the Practical nursing program. One decided Nursing wasn't for him. One is in the middle of a messy divorce and she couldn't handle everything all at once. The rest failed. Two were some of my favorite people in the class. One was not. This puts them in a tough situation. They cannot progress in the program until they retake the class they failed NEXT spring. So they are one year behind now. They will graduate with the incoming first years (who start next fall) if they don't fail anymore. The other thing that is rough is in any normal class they would have passed with a C. Nursing is skewed. I don't know if I have put this up here before but in order to pass you need a C. Not just any C. An 80% C. Anything lower than 80% is a D or F. 94-100% is an A, 85-94% is a B, 80-85% is a C. We don't know WHY they do it this way, but they do. Anyways... other than that..... I've got a friend visiting from California May 31st-June 8th and my summer pharmacology class starts June 8th. So i'm trying to get all my relaxation in before that starts again. The itinerary for my friend is this:
Sunday: plane arrives at 6 AM so we are ganna hang out in the cities for the day, any suggestions on where we should go? I was thinking the Mall (of course) and maybe Como park/zoo/gardens! Sunday night will be spent at my parents house.
Monday and Tuesday: we will explore southern MN. My friend has never been here so we will go to some local monuments.
Wednesday: We are heading up to my family's cabin to hang out with my friends.
Thursday: We will come to my apartment and take in the local "colors". LOL
Friday-Sunday afternoon: My sister is celebrating her birthday at the cabin so we will be going there to join in the festivities!
Sunday night: back to my place because I have class from 10-12 in the morning!
Monday: after class we will head back down to the cities and hang out until the flight leaves.....

Hopefully my friend doesn't get bored! Small town MN isn't the most exciting place in the world! If you have any suggestions on what to do let me know!

As you can all hopefully see I've updated the blog again. Cut me some slack as I'm still deciding where to go with it. I'll add more as time goes on and I run out of books to read and catch up on. Thats about all that has been happening in my life. I'm a pretty boring person. Hope all is well with you! I'll try to start posting pictures.....

An Open Letter:

I'm not entirely sure she reads this, but I just found her blog and started following it so maybe she will pick up on it.
What happened? As far as I'm concerned you were my BEST friend. We both knew where we stood in our opinions and views. If that is what happened then I'm sorry you took what I said the wrong way. But that doesn't change my views. I'm a liberal, and though I don't agree with everything they say, they are closer to where I do stand. Your conservative, and I respect that. When you attack my personal beliefs then I'm going to give you information defending them. I was in no ways attacking your political beliefs. They are just that: YOUR beliefs. Not mine. The thing is I don't care what you believe because we were friends beyond that. I moved out with you while your husband was deployed because I felt we both needed something to change. So I left MN and the drama that was here and it was possibly the best decision I could have made. I came to spend time with a friend I missed and support you in a really difficult time. We didn't talk for a really long time once after high school and it seems that it is happening again. I've called you, left messages, text you, sent you emails, sent you facebook and myspace messages and yet you ignored me. So I decided to give you time to breathe and get over what I thought you considered a political tiff. So now I hear you have been to MN the 13-19 and didn't call or even let me know. I was home during the majority of that time. I don't know if you were with his parents the whole time, but I'm guessing you stopped to see your family to. If you didn't have time to see me I would have understood, but I probably would have been more than willing to fly out and visit you. I miss my friend and I don't know why I lost her. I've tired calling you today, and you once again didn't answer. So call me. If you don't want to be friends anymore then I'd appreciate you letting me know. Congratulations on his return, Roxie: I'm sorry she died, Maggie, glad Zeus is feeling better, your birthday, your anniversary, his birthday, the CNA certification, the new car, vacationing in Moab, and anything I may have missed. If we are no longer friends I would really appreciate getting my belongings back. You have my number, my email, my facebook, my myspace, and a number of other ways to contact me.

Pure boredom

That's how I would describe my blog..... I know I don't update much... but there isn't a whole lot happening lately..... School is school is school...... boring..... uneventful..... I haven't washed away in the flood though I was buried in snow..... Last tuesday (March 31) we had a snow day.... I was supposed to have class at 8 am (that was a random throw in time due to my instructor having a meeting at regular class time) SO...... my alarm is going off around 6:30.... at 7:11, I finally decide I should stop hitting snooze and get up.... I get a text message: "do we have class today?" ..... hmmmm lets look outside shall we? HOLEY SWISS CHEESE! I CANNOT SEE THE HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET! can we all say BLIZZARD?!!??! So, low and behold I get online and the campus is closed.... Rockin.... I'm going to get SOMETHING done today..... maybe clean.... maybe homework? who knows.... So I text the necessary people and let them know so they can sleep..... overall uneventfull day.... Wednesday... hmm..... I was up very early as I was supposed to have a test. Well classes were cancelled until noon..... YAY NO TEST..... cept she made it online.... whatever its fine..... around ten I decide to try and get my book out of my car...... go outside.... oh no...... I can't get my car door open.... THERE IS TOO MUCH SNOW! and me without a shovel.... So I call a classmate who drives by my house and she agrees to pick me up and bring a shovel so I can use it after getting home. When I get home from class my neighbors meet me outside and offer to pull me out with their SUV..... THEY ARE ANGELS! I love them and their against the rules little dog... Shhh.... dont tell the landlord..... Anyways.... after a bit of shoveling, a bit of pulling, and about ten minutes my car is free and clear! And thats the most recent events of my life..... I'm going to go do some extra credit now so I stay passing!

Oy Vey.....

ok.... so my school year started off kinda rough..... I forgot an easy 15 point syllabus quiz so I started my year with a BIG FAT F...... well now I'm 0.5% away from my passing C so thats good news......my other nursing class has an A.... so I'm doing pretty well in classes..... my birthday was good (2/2) and I got to eat sushi and hibachi/tepanyaki with Heidi and Brian.... YAY! Delicious food, delicious drinks and my loving family..... well some of them..... the play is done now and I hope you all googled it because its difficult to explain...... I did manage to break my toe (my own diagnosis), scratch my legs up from the set, and get about a million bruises..... I'm a clumsy person. so.... thats my life in a nut shell...... I gave my first set of medications to someone at the nursing home today and he didn't die..... so thats good too..... lol.... though its pretty difficult to mess up a bubblepack..... with preset meds.... Alright..... I've got a test in 4.5 hours and I need to study..... hope all is well with everyone in my computer..... how are you guys all fitting in there? lol.........
http://icanhascheezburger.com/

Just Keep Breathing

First.... Heidi.... shut your face..... I KNOW....... Second..... I need someone to shoot me in the leg.... don't kill me.... just enough to put me in the hospital so I can get a few days rest...... Between tests, papers, readings, music, and the play...... I can't sleep and don't have time to eat. I found my best time for sleeping is between 7 pm and 1 am..... not good right? I went grocery shopping on Saturday around 1 am..... well... to Walmart which isn't a super so I got just the necessities and have been living off eggs and bacon.... First time I've had ACTUAL food in.... oh about 3 weeks...... remind me to get back into cooking....... I'll fill you in the rest later.... when I'm not in class not paying attention......

For one night.....

I'll let myself dream about having a fairy tale ending. Pretend I'll meet the perfect man.... pretend that the world is perfect and there will be no more pain. No more war, no more famine, no more violence.... Mostly no more pain. My perfect man will show up on not a white horse but a friesian.... and pay for everything while I finish school.... buy me a house maybe.... I'll work delivering babies, get married to perfect man, have theme music playing (but not family guy style where the guy wants to break all of peter's bones), be successful at SOMETHING..... have perfect little kids.... raise them perfectly.... Have you ever played the sims? one or two doesn't really matter though two would better explain this..... you can create any kind of sim you want. Creative people usually create all different types of people.... I only make perfect people.... and when I do try to make imperfect people, I set the goal as making them perfect. They all raise A+ children who go to private schools and never miss anything growing up. They always have tons of money and never want for anything. I never vary from the norm.... I play that because thats my perfect world. I never make me on it though.... myself isn't an option because I don't know the perfects of my life.... I know the imperfects.... and that doesn't fit in with my sims. So tonight I won't play the sims. But I will let myself want that perfect. and tomorrow.... I will wake up and my silly sense of perfectness will be shattered..... war will go on, violence will continue, pain will keep hurting.... people will be hungry, and cold, and tired..... and I won't want that perfect guy to marry.... I'll still want a perfect guy, but not for marriage. And those perfect kids? will never be born.... I don't want them..... I can't stay in one place for too long..... I get bored so travelling nurse sounds like my best option.... maybe I should join the military...... travel is about the only perk..... well I suppose I should stop writing and just go be melancholy in my perfect world. Not too much time to stay here in perfectworld.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQME-ChSwNM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QYyeb6D3rko

I'm turning into Heidi...

I know I know I haven't posted anything in awhile.... My finals went well, passed all my classes and the like. I did my phlebotomy internship over break.... nothing too exciting there.... Christmas came and went, as did New Years. Pretty boring month.... Getting back into the swing of school again..... I'm scared of my clinicals.... worried i may accidently kill someone.... In other news.... play practice has started again.... I am the competent stage manager.... working under an incompetent stage manager..... complete idiot who was in camelot with me.... I don't work well with liars... so we will see how it goes. The play is called "Noises Off" and its very confusing.... I'll post with the description of it this weekend.... or you can all just wikipedia it.... haha.....

Holidays....

I absolutely hate holidays..... New Years, my birthday (I'm aware it isn't a holiday, but I hate it anyways), valentine's day, Thanksgiving, Christmas, and I guess Halloween too..... St. Patty's day and 4th of July aren't so bad as that isn't a "family" oriented holiday. It just reminds me of how alone I am. Yeah I have my family that always celebrates, but I get really lonely. Everyone in my family has someone but me..... and then, they go to their respective peoples parents, and I'm stuck with a family that I don't really feel comfortable with. I just don't really fit in there. I was like 5 when I was introduced into that family, but I still feel uneasy.... I like the holidays for food and presents, and the lack of school... period... that's it..... I like family time, when the time is split between my siblings.... I don't really like spending time with all of them together..... It always ends with someone in tears, most often me..... They don't do it on purpose.... hell they might not even know that they do it...... but it happens..... so... to reiterate... I hate the holidays.....

I've been cured.....

of my completely utterly ridiculous obsession with love..... It really doesn't exist.... its just really convenience...... someone to help pay the pills.... someone to keep you warm at night..... someone to raise the kids when your off sleeping with someone else...... yep.... total and utter convenience..... Love has just gone out the windows with santa claus and magic and unicorns...... dragons and my happiness too...... things of fairy tales..... myths and ledgends...... If people thought I was pessimistic before..... there is a whole new can of worms that has just been opened...... good thing its next to the alcoholic beverages..... because that is the only way I'm making it through life......

Nine performances later.....

Camelot.... was amazing..... I met the most wonderful people.... and a few people who were not nice and most likely compulsive liars..... ok just one..... We had strike today..... which means we took apart the set and put everything away..... We were discussing what play to do in spring, and I'm thinking a lot of the same cast will try out..... I may ask to be stage manager instead of actually being in the play... I'm not a terribly good actress..... and it seems I am doomed to get a cold whenever I need to perform something..... I'm hoping it is gone by friday, as I have a choir concert! O well... anyways.... Camelot pulled in almost completely full houses, actually having to add another show time.... So.... in total we had 9 performances.... and I'm sad it has to be done.... I don't see a lot of these people outside of the play.... Sure some are in choir, but I'm actually going to have to make an effort to see them! I hate efforts! oh well..... But I guess I need to do some resting..... as I have this ridiculous cold.... cough, runny and stuffy nose, sneezing, and scratchy throat.... boo......

I wish it was 1993 again....

Last week.... or maybe it was two weeks ago.... I don't know..... A few people from the Camelot cast were talking and old TV shows came up.... I started talking about this show that I absolutely loved..... Princess Gwenevere and the jewel riders.... I saw it exactly 2 times, but I was so enthralled with it that I remember the theme song (well a part of it anyways).... Everyone thought it was funny that I knew that over fraggle rock..... I could have sworn up and down that I had never seen a fraggle rock episode in my life..... but then, tonight on Adult Swim, Robot Chicken did a Fraggle Rock/Watership Down sketch..... and the fraggle rock stuff looked really familiar..... so I youtubed it.... and it looked WAY familiar.... so I assume now that I've seen an episode, just didn't find it that great....so I started youtubing all the old theme songs to shows I used to watch.... care bears, rainbow brite, princess gwenevere (et al.), she ra, fraggle rock, mighty max..... it made me wish that is all i had to worry about was if max was going to escape the danger...... I remember laying in my mom's bed, in the morning before school, drinking hot chocolate watching mighty max..... boooooooo adult life.....

it snowed... .and it didn't go away

My shoes are wet.... soaked wet.... because last night while it stormed like mad and knocked my power out, more than once, it got cold enough to turn the rain to snow. So I got up and dinked around today.... around noon, maybe closer to one.... i look walked by my window.... it was a little colder than usual.... hmmm.... it kinda feels like there is snow outside.... lo and behold I look out and its an ugly white.... it stayed too.... its still an ugly white as i post at 1 am..... I'm annoyed at this.... because last year, after it snowed, it stayed until may.... MAY! I AM GOING TO HAVE TO DEAL WITH SNOW FOR 7.... THATS SEVEN.... MONTHS! ok well its probably more along the lines of 6 as the snow melted in EARLY may.... but still.... thats just not fair.... after it rains for a week straight, we get one afternoon of sunshine and it snows that night! wow.... and all weatherbug ever says is non-precipitation advisory.... weatherbug is poo..... anyways.... getting along to the reason for this posting...... I'm feeling like crap.... my self-esteem is about as low as it can get right now..... I'm feeling like such a failure, like the ugliest person on the planet, like no one will ever like me..... I know part of this is due to the person that I'm comparing too...... I know I'm a better person than her, but there is some stuff that I don't understand that makes me feel horrible..... and the jerk that i'm madly in love with isn't helping either.... in fact.... the female that i'm comparing with is the reason the one i'm madly in love with is a jerk..... I fell in love with one person, and he has completely changed..... Everyone always tells me don't let people change who you are..... him mostly..... but i hate how hypocritical people are.... I know i do it too.... but..... you were fine after 6 years of her, plus on and off 2 years..... and one more changed you? Thats not right.... so here i sit...... feeling like less than adequate..... and I'm not the one who has abandoned their family, sold themselves for money..... Not the person who has two separate lives to lead..... I know a lot of people reading this will be confused, but thats a good place for you to be..... the only person I want to talk to about this right now is my sister..... so.... sister, call me whenever you have some time to talk....